I already knew that graduate school makes you old and ugly and cryptic, but this is ridiculous:
YODA:
A venerated sage with vast power and knowledge, you gently guide forces around you while serving as a champion of the light.
Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not - for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life greets it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminescent beings are we, not this crude matter! You must feel the Force around you, everywhere.
Hmmm. Went to grad school I did. Now shriveled up, self-important, and annoying I am!