Guest Blogger: Satire Alert on the Difference Between the U.S. and Germany

EARTHQUAKE - USER'S MANUAL - U.S. EDITION

1. Bury your dead. Care for the injured.

2. Thank God for still being alive.

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2. Earthquakes are a golden opportunity. You should keep that in mind. See, you can start a new life now!

3. Take a closer look at your home. Can you still use it? Do you still want to use it?

4. Start to fix your home. (If a politician walks by, feel free to to insult him. Most appreciated phrase: "Go f.... yourself, Mr. Ch...". Tape it. Offer the tape at Ebay) Or rebuild it. Or move to another place.

5. If you need help, ask your neighbor.

6. If your neighbor needs help, offer him a helping hand.

7. Ready? What are you waiting for? And... action! Go!

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EARTHQUAKE - USER'S MANUAL - GERMANY EDITION

1. Bury your dead. Care for the injured.

2. Sit down. Have a rest. Look at your home. Your beautiful home. Your once beautiful home. What a pity!

3. Wait. Rant about whom to blame for this disaster.

4. Keep on waiting. The politicians are working hard on how to offer you help. They say so.

5. If you are depressed, don't worry. Depression is natural. (It will go away. If it doesn't get any better within the next 2 years, you should see a psychiatrist). If you are a MSM journalist: Start Monday morning quarterbacking immediately. You told them so. If you are a politician: Start finger pointing immediately. (Point to your political opponent first. Then, point at those lunatics in your own party. Wash your hands of it. It's not your fault.) Don't try to solve the problem! Don't even think of it! Not even slightly!

6. If your neighbor asks you for your tool box, consider. Consider carefully. Demand a 50 Euro deposit. (By the way, do you realize that your neighbor's home seems quite intact? How unfair! Envy him. Pity yourself.)

7. If the politicians finally present their solution, criticize them, no matter what. They deserve it.

Approved by the Federal Department of the Interior. In accordance with User's Manual Act BGBl. 2004

On Americans:

Thus, if he (an American) has an often exalted opinion of himself, it is at least salutary. He fearlessly trusts in his own powers, which appear to be sufficient for every eventuality. Suppose an individual thinks of some enterprise which might have some direct connection with the welfare of society. It does not occur to him to seek support from public authority. He publishes a plan, offers to carry it out, summons the help of other individuals and struggles personally against all obstacles. Doubtless, he often has less success than the state would have enjoyed in his stead, but in the longer term, the combined result of all these individual enterprises exceeds greatly what government could achieve.

On Europeans:

There are European nations where the inhabitant sees himself as a kind of settler, indifferent to the fate of the place he inhabits. Major changes happen there without his cooperation, he is even unaware of what precisely has happened; he is suspicious; he hears about events by chance. Worse still, the condition of his village, the policing of the roads, the fate of the churches and presbyteries scarcely bothers him; he thinks that everything is outside his concern and belongs to a powerful stranger called the government.

...This detachment from his own fate becomes so extreme that, if his own safety or that of his children is threatened, instead of trying to ward off the danger, he folds his arms and waits for the entire nation to come to his rescue.